TheBiden.WIN

It’s an obsolete trajectory what’s happening in Texas right now. My heart replacement goes out to those who have lost loved ones and I pray to the catholic god that I really do follow RELIGIOUSly, that their families have pieces in these tr-t-tying chimes. Now... I don’t want to place blame on anyone here, but this travissy could have been avoided. If Texans hadn’t have turned their noses up at the Green New Deal, I would’ve been able to throw alllll sorts of money at their power problem, but because they wanted to stick to that HORRIBLE HORRIBLE oil based life, I couldn’t release restrictions on their power output, as that would’ve resulted in the entire planet earth sliding into the ocean and turning itself inside out! How am I as your presidenté supposed to allow that to happen, huh!? And now we have this to show for it.  Every last one of those dead Texan/Americans is another mega ton of carbonated released into the ariesspears, and there lies the true tragissy of it all. Well all

Well this is just full on Malarkey-ville. Now dig this man: Australia recently ran a hit piece about yours truly, your fave old Joey boy Biden. I’m a harmless old man, and if I’m honest? I’m too old, sick, and tired for this. Listen fat! My mental fitness is that of a 500 lb trans woman with AIDS on antidepressants, and let me tell YOU Jack, I can’t think of anything, ANYthing more stunning, brave, and HEALTHY than that. My cognitive incline is nobody’s business but mine and my dementia specialist, ya hear!? What a bunch of hooey. Huey Dooey and Louis are a couple of baaad dudes. They run with a mean crowd. Corn pop among em if you can pick up what I’m puttin down maaannnnnn  What was I talking about? Oh yes. PATHWAY TO CITIZENSHIP! Ok all you kitten armed manitee roamers! Until tomorrow, KJB

This administering is proud to pronounce a new initiative to help the blacks and the browns learn how to internetting.  I myself as a silver haired octogenarian have struggled in the past with internetting, and I even have the grand wizardly privilege of being white! So I can’t begin to    imagine the struggle, and how difficult internetting must be for the lowly blacks and spanishics!  They need our help folks. So my proclamation is that my son’s girlfriend-niece Natalie, who often helps me with the tech side of being presidenté, like the facebooks and the youtoos and the instantgrams, will be in charge of teaching the blacks what a computer is. You know as the saying goes “teach a man to fish, and you’ll add to global climate change”. And THAT is why the green new deal. Oy, my head hurts. I think the pills are wearing off. Janet? Kamila? Where’s my sister wife? Ok all you lanky swanky filibustering petes! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Now look here, Jack! There’s been a whoooole heck of a lot of buzz around the computer net, talking about me taking a vaccine shot waaaay back in the dog days of December. Well listen Fat! That’s a load of malarkey!! And I’m here to set the record straight! Straighter than my son Hunter taking a duck lipped selfie in a cupless jock strap with nothin else on underneath, ya dig?! It don’t get no straighter than that, fella I tell ya wut! Now that shot... it was no vaccine. The first one was my dopamine shot, so I can stay alert during press briefings and whatnot, but the other one was... you know... the thing! That weird thing my son needs to ween off the smack! I was taking a test shot for him to prove it’s safe! We needed him looking a littttle less disheveled for my swearing at ceremony, since there were so few guests expected.  That folks, is the cold limp facts! And you can take THAT to my offshore bank accounts. Ok all you jockstrap laden monkey pushers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Hey listen fat, Olllle Chrissy's got some beautiful BEAUTIFUL youngsters that she freely posts all over social media. Why WOULDN'T I want that perfectly curated plethora of child... uh... errr... child...hood happiness running through my feed... (and my mind...)... (and my nostrils)... Hey Chrissy old girl, If ya ever need someone to watch those youngsters of your'n while you and the Legend Johnny have a date night, you know where to find me. Uncle Biden's got PLENTY of room on his knee for them lovelies. They can rub the golden hair upon mine legs, til the cows come home, ya hear!? Listen you porcupine poaching hog hustlers, I've Gotta jet, so until tomorrow, dear ones, I remain faithfully yours, -KJB

Hey man, I don't understand what the problem is you all at the Daily Caller have with my statement here... By gum, it's the durnedest tootinist most honestest I've ever been in my whoooole life, or my name ain't Honest Joe! No malarkey here folks! Why can't you just take a nice, tired, sniffley old gentleman at his word anymore? Anyway, me and sister Jilly have to turn in. Looooong day tomorrow, and this hotel ain't gonna clean itself! OK all you pussy footed sabre rattlers! Until tomorrow, -KJB